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Growing up in Benin-City, Nigeria,
there was this bitter nut that old people loved to chew on at almost every hour
of the day. It was synonymous with being an elder, old age, longevity, and
wisdom. The old people loved it because it kept them awake at all times and it
gave them a sense of prestige because the younger ones so hated the taste that
they looked at the old with awe when they chewed on it majestically.
At important events, family
gatherings, or at ceremonies, the oldest male present is given the honor of
breaking the kola nut with prayers before it is given to a youth to slit into
many parts for those who dare to chew on it. Younger children are discouraged
from eating it because of its high caffeine content. If there is a great-grand
mother present or the oldest person is a female, she is given the honor of
touching the kola nut, but it is the eldest male that breaks it. One of the
first or most common prayers he says while he breaks the kola nuts is that “the
one who brings kola brings life”. I always wondered why women where not allowed
to break the kola nut at ceremonies, until I came to the United States of
America (USA) to see
the catastrophe of fatherless homes. Fatherless homes are responsible for over
70% of teenage pregnancy, high school drop-out, suicide, drug use, depression,
prostitution, HIV/AIDS, crime, and unemployment in the United States.
In Africa, it is said that a woman is
the home. She does not only bring forth children, but there is almost never a
place were children are gathered and a woman is not present. An average woman
thinks of her children even before she thinks of herself and will freely give
her life for her children. Even in the United States of America (USA), a mother is considered
the primary caretaker of the child, not the father, even if he is very active.
In most homes with children, a woman is always present. The big question is:
Will those children have a father or a male figure in their lives?
The psychological purpose of giving
the oldest male the honor of breaking the kola nut and praying for everyone (in
front of women and children) is to make the young boys see the value of family,
being the head, living a long life, having women and children look up to them,
and being productive to justify the respect from a very young age. Women,
because of rearing children, will always find the means to care for her
children. It is very easy for a man to walk away, so the ancient world
psychologically figured out how to make a man feel honorable by staying. Many
men usually put honor and respect over money, so they are given the honor of
breaking the kola nut in front of the women and children if they live long
enough to be the oldest male in a particular place.
Child rearing is a natural motivation
for women to be healthy and live long, while honor and respect is for men. Show
me a community where the men have no respect from women and I show you a place
that has embraced fatherless homes and waywardness for their young males. Young
Black boys need to see more fathers or males taking the lead at family events
and ceremonies in front of women and children. It is when they see this that
they make private pledges to live long to have that honor too. A private pledge
to live long requires one to embrace wisdom to make good decisions, productivity
to sustain the long life, and most importantly, respect for women and their
seeds to give him that honor when the time comes. |
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The Political & Spiritual Purpose of the
Holy Land
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