The argument I am about to make is from a masculine perspective. Maybe the women fall in too, but since I am not a woman and I do not associate with them at very close levels on this issue, I will not speak for them. With my experience dealing with men who are not gay, I can comfortably say that the views you are about to read speaks honestly for about 80% of the men out there. I say this because as a young Christian boy who intentionally chose the straight and narrow path for the joy of it, I will rate myself as 8 on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 representing the “good boys”. Most men have agreed with my view privately, but women like to live in a dream world emotionally and believe that every man should speak for himself. Let everyone who has wisdom read and reason.
By Biblical standard, fornication is a sin and it is defined by all as a sexual intercourse between two people who are single or by someone who is single. Single people commit fornication while married people commit adultery. So sex before marriage according to the Bible is wrong and is a sin, yet almost every man, if not all have committed the act of fornication. Fornication also includes homosexuality, and priest that have sworn to celibacy but are sleeping with little children. I say so because they are not married to them by law or by culture. Jesus even said that when you think of a woman lustfully in the mind, you have committed fornication (Matthew 5:28). So every man has committed fornication except eunuchs or castrated men, assuming their minds are equivalent to their unfortunate condition. If this is the case, was this law written to prevent sin or to remind us that we are sinners and therefore need redemption? If we have all fornicated, why do we laugh at men of God or judge ordinary people who do it? Is it because they are hypocrites who pretend to be perfect or because society demands that they must be perfect even though we are humans?
In the ancient times, a man gets sexually active at about 12 or 13 like today, but was married soon after that with some property or a trade to maintain a family. In some cultures, children where already married before they could speak or see. In this case, parents of family friends or same communities agreed that they will keep their children close enough to each other till it was time to marry. Where they doing this to prevent the wealth from leaving their group or they were trying to prevent fornication? It can not be the former because even poor people did the same thing. I know it was honorable for families to present their girls as virgins for marriage and it was honorable for the boy to be the first to be with the girl and for all the seed from her to be his. So it must have being to prevent fornication and eventual adultery. I say so because it is difficult for a man who has being with multiple partners to now commits to just one especially when he will not be caught. I have heard of women who have being with multiple partners and are interested in a certain kind of guy, but if destiny gives her a different kind; they sometimes slip away when they get a chance even to past lovers. So the medicine against fornication at this time was to marry early before knowing much about the opposite gender and having varieties of interests. Many polygamous cultures of the past that I have heard of, married many women to produce children who were in turn a labor force to create wealth for the family and act as 401k/IRA (retirement investments) when their parents got older (those that survive). Like everything else, I am pretty sure it got corrupted and abused with time.
In modern times, we cannot just have some animals and a piece of land to raise a family. You either move with the current economical and technological value of living or perish in poverty. In this day and age, you better have some huge inheritance of old money, spend years mastering a trade, or get an education where a bachelor’s degree is fact becoming a kindergarten diploma for securing a good paying job. This means that marriage will have to wait for a later time to get all the experience and qualifications you need to raise a family. Unlike before, many women are more financially independent and they either want to focus on their careers till they feel that they are ready for marriage, or decide if they really want a husband since they can now raise their children by themselves. Many men, even when they are ready do not find a marriage material till their late 20s or choose to have fun since the women are still deciding or building their careers.
So what do you expect from a man who is sexually active at the age of 13 and cannot not marry until he is 28. Mind you, the culture of reserving a female is long gone and he is also a Christian against fornication. I will tell you what to expect of him. You should expect a disillusioned and a semi-productive person. You see, no matter how you fight to maintain your principle and beliefs for many years, when the sex drive or what I call the “demon” comes knocking, you better give way or end up coming some atrocities you never could have fathomed. Before man knew God or before he could steal, kill and tell lies, God’s first commandment to man and woman in Genesis 1:28 as soon as they were created was to be fruitful and multiply and to fill the earth. He had to first be fruitful before he could multiply to fill the earth. That fruitfulness is what I again call the “demon”. That was the first command from God. It cannot be restricted, controlled, or manipulated; it can only be released and guided respectfully, culturally, and spiritually for the betterment of society while filling the earth to replace dead ones.
I fought the good fight and was a public crusader for “No Sex before Marriage”, until I fell at the age of 20. I did everything I could. I even went to meet pastors to recommend anything because it was obviously overcoming me. They only told me to read my Bibles and pray. My grades did not only suffer at school; I could not even focus anymore on my studies. I would read one page for an hour not remembering what I had read because I was fighting against my nature and my creation. It was then I realized that something was either wrong with the Bible, the way it was interpreted, or our modern culture because I could no longer fight a battle I did not bring upon myself or run away from. The search and hunger for sanity overcame my fear of hypocrisy. I was the “Jesus Boy” who was a standard that even other Christians would not measure with. Now, I had to choose between what I preached against or submit to the freedom of my creation – a man. Maybe I should have married quickly and brag of the fact that I fulfilled my preaching, but at that age, I did not even have a degree or know a trade not to talk of raising a family.
Many Christian boys were not as fortunate as me because they refused to tell themselves the truth. Some men made a covenant not to have sex till they were married, but when the “demon” came knocking and had no place to turn to, they decided to release the “demon” quietly in secret and forbidden places as long as it was not with a woman the world knew. Some got into pornography (tapes and internet) in the name of entertainment, some enjoyed masturbation with toys or anything that had a hole behind closed doors, others formed groups of men and started religious homosexuality, and many choose celibacy as workers of God behind closed walls of the church. Those who went behind the wall of the church still had to release the demon as you all already know. Some met other women, usually older, who were grateful to God for finding a man who needed an outlet and would keep a secret. Others just preyed on the little boys who they knew would be scared to offend God if they spoke.
You must release that “demon”, hopefully after marriage, or you will be a slave to yourself until you do. If this “demon” is not well managed, it can leave a spiritual scare on you and your future family for a long time or forever. In any situation, it is always better to do it with a woman and hope she becomes your wife eventually, so that you can call it marriage dating or call her your fiancée. I say this because a lot of men, especially Christian men that meant well, are in deep spiritual trouble. Some of them have decided to choose the path of their “demon” release instead of marriage or being with a woman. For some, despite the fact that they are now married, those who chose the path of pornography still subscribe to it irregularly, those who chose same sex as a way out still go to the gay clubs leaving their children at home while their wives come pick them up at a scheduled time. Those who chose the toys, now have updated toys and have convinced their wives that it is the new age. While the masturbating ones still masturbate even after being with their wives because the body demands it still after so many years before marriage, and those who liked little boys still like them. For ones with the older women behind the church, you can investigate how many abortions the nuns do inside the church and the ones some church women do outside the church.
When you try to cover up a lie, you tell an even bigger lie or you simply multiply the lies. The Church of the Living God failed in its responsibility to address the reality of the “demon” in relation to the discrepancies between the age of puberty and the current marriage age. They allowed the fear of hypocrisy and the fears of breaking a covenant by their faithful sheep become a foundation for spiritual immorality. This is because of the church’s inability to meet the needs of the youths by bridging the gap between God’s ancient laws and the modern reality of the life we now live. This is one of the major reasons why a lot of young boys leave the church or never come to church, because the world has better explanations and remedy for the natural “demon” than the church can provide with silence and avoidance. After you have studies the Bible at a young age, one of the first test to see how spirit filled you are, apart from good works, good deeds, prayer and blessing other’s life, is to abstain from fornication despite that fact that sex is all around. A lot of boys never forgive themselves when they fail nor return to the church.
Some have been know to fill so unworthy and helpless that they drop out from college, change their majors, start drinking and going to clubs, begin to have multiple girlfriends, and begin to get more involved in worldly pleasures even more than their new worldly friends. A lot of them remain like that for the rest of their lives and even encourage others with reasons why this Bible is just an interesting book. Well, I did return after 2 years of my disappointment after I honestly accepted the fact that my life was much better and focused when I was in the church. I will recommend that at college level, men should genuinely search for a wife material and date her with the honest understanding that it is towards marriage. If marriage comes that would be great, but if not, try to limit you partners before marriage in order not to create a problem of adultery or confusion of what women to now trust. It is always better to commit fornication with the hope of genuine marriage, that to lay a foundations for uncontrolled immorality.